Story of my life.

It’s only so often that I get writers block due to many stressful obstacles in my life. I find it admirable that many others can lock themselves up until they write a full article with a ticking deadline, or for authors to finish a book. My most latest excuse is that I’ve just moved into an apartment. In the mist of all the chaos, I still attempt to find my inner zi (pronounced like chi) by rearranging things that encouraged a feeling of zen. Like meditating without the sitting down humming and ooh-ing until negative thoughts fade. I’m currently sipping on green tea infused with lemongrass and spearmint, when I would much rather be brewing my eight cups of coffee. See the commitment? My life, in my eyes, has come to complete halt simply because I feel like I can’t keep up. Mind you, I have a brain with thoughts constantly running about a gazillion miles per minute. I’m that girl who frantically cleans when brainstorming (or just stressed), justifying it by putting myself under the title as OCD neatness so that my mind and body can intertwine and work twice as fast. Anybody who knows me doesn’t really take notice of these little details… until they really see it. Sure, I have a problem. I’ve admitted this long ago. I’ve been strongly advised to just breathe, but even then do I torture myself by strongly focusing on something so simple we humans do everyday. 

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The worst about wanting someone you’ve never really had
Is risking in the beginning that things would turn out bad
You don’t think about the future, or even think of your heart
Because when you fall hard, you don’t see it from the start
You could agree on negotiations, no commitment on both sides
But in the end it matters to one, emotions rushing in like tides
The other may stay oblivious, maybe act like they don’t know
Because why involve more feelings, when aggravation starts to show

She will force on a smile, because she won’t let go
That special someone changed her for good
Pain is the last thing he would bestow
Yet he wants every inch of her, mind body and soul
Her good and her worst, as long as her heart unfolds 
She needs his comfort, his addicting personality
Full of laughter, strength, and so much spirituality
So she gives him all of her, hoping to open another door
He does the same, but keep his heart
Something she yearned for.

At the end of the day, she will frown and maybe cry
Used to the treatment of past lovers
She just sits and lets out a sigh
Because he’s one of the good guys who’ve impacted her life
But she’s not someone special, as a girlfriend or maybe a wife
She won’t stop hoping, keep smiling so she won’t be fragile
Because at the end of the day,
She’s hoping to be someone’s potential.

The best thing about being with someone who isn’t yours
Is the lessons and mistakes you learn
So you don’t end in remorse.
 

But she’s gotta let him know, her feelings need to show
This cycle needs to stop, her own infliction keeps her low
Happiness turns into confusion, someone help her grow
She’s becoming intoxicated, hazy from the smoke she blows 

But she’ll stay as long as she’s needed
So she won’t let go
Afraid of losing a good thing, 
she won’t let him know. 

- Yours truly.