“Moments after we laid eyes on each other, we felt like we had known each other for a long time. Then we spent any time we could together. We felt a bond like no one could ever explain. When you hurt, I hurt. Vice versa. We would have dreams of each other, whether we were in danger or not. Fate brought us together to simply feel. But we were too alike, yet too different. We didn’t always like each other, we didn’t always agree, we didn’t always get along. But it was okay, because whatever happens, we both knew we were loved, accepted and understood. Even when we weren’t doing good, even when we weren’t nice. Even when we were miserable, tired, moody, and depressed. Even when we made mistakes, messed up, made stupid choices, went our separate ways. Even when all we could do was cry, lie in bed and miss each other. We both knew, for sure, we would always have each other. Even when everything else falls apart, even when everything else goes wrong…
Even now, when we are past tense.”
It’s believed that a soul mate is supposed to be your perfect fit. Your other half, the yin to your yang. The person who inspires you to pursue all that seems out of your reach because suddenly everything seems possible. Your life is changed.
Of course, when I wrote the post above in 2011, I was devastated in my heartbreak. A connection that seemed so unreal that it ate me alive was slowly becoming as I now see, my epiphany. If anyone asked me back then whether or not I believed in it, I would of nodded uncontrollably. Almost desperately. But for the wrong reasons. A true soul mate is the most significant person you will ever meet, not because you’ve finally found them out of the 7 billion people in this world. But because they are the ones who are capable of meeting you and tearing you apart in every way possible. Whether you were satisfied with all that you had or a pessimist, this person will liberate you.
Nowadays however, I believe in soul mates. Yes, plural. I no longer believe that you are supposed to be with one person who made that much of an impact on you forever. It’s too excruciating. The thought of it makes me flinch. These beautiful souls come into your life to help you acknowledge another part of you that was unseen before, and might just carry on. Of course, it’s wonderful to have them stay for long-term memories but it doesn’t necessarily mean that’s it. The end. Happily ever after. No. Their purpose is to wake you, release you of your pride so you can climb larger obstacles. Ease the pain from all the addictions that haunt you. Break you so when you lay there completely exposed, you have nothing but light to shine on you to make you desperate and thirsty for life. Change.
And if all that I believe is true, I have been blessed to have quite a number of soul mates in my life. You’ve broke me, shaken me, loved me, left me, and sometimes returned to me. I’m grateful to take all I can get. Because at the end of the day, as young as I am, I feel much wiser since I’ve encountered you.
“To live is the rarest thing in the world.
Most people exist, that is all.”
- Oscar Wilde
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
In that case, you should be worried.
Because days are going by, and it’s getting terribly easier to be without you.
One day you’re going to wake up and realize my heart grew exhausted of waiting for a miracle to happen to us. I’m slowly becoming that person in the past whose heart was cold. To everything living. Suppressing these emotions so well that nobody would ever take a moment to see that I’m really not the free spirit I portray myself to be.
I just remembered how strong that person was.
I no longer want to miss you. But I also no longer want to love you.
Am I capable of doing this? That is the question.
From the heart.
This numb object in my chest that keeps me from falling apart.